Sunday Sermon

"Becoming One Flesh"
[Mark 10:1-12]
June 18, 2006 Second Reformed Church

"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her; having cleansed her by the washing of the water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor; without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherished it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. 'Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.' This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband" (Ephesians 5:25-33).

What does it mean to "become one flesh"?

Jesus was teaching, and the Pharisees came to Him, hoping to trap Him -- to show that He was not the Messiah, the Savior -- by having Him say or do something against God's Law. And they asked Him, "Is it lawful for a man to send his wife away?" Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?

The Pharisees came to Jesus with an illegitimate question, because they knew the answer. They didn't want His commentary on the Law. They didn't want Him to preach the Gospel. They wanted Him to say something other than the Law -- to "bend" the Law. This is the same sinful blasphemy with which the serpent came to Eve, "Did God actually say, 'You shall not eat of any tree in the garden?'" (Genesis 3:1b). The serpent knew very well what God had said, he wanted to bring doubt to Eve, to get her to modify God's Word, to doubt and break it. The Pharisees of our denomination and General Synod have come the same way, "Did God really say that homosexual acts are sinful?" "What did God mean about homosexuality in the socio-economic middle eastern milieu?" "Doesn't God want us to love and not be concerned about sin?" "Aren't we being judgmental, when we are sinners ourselves?"

Blind guides! Vile hypocrites! Sons of their father the devil!

The Pharisees were men who knew God's Word backwards and forwards and ministers are also to know and only speak God's Word from the holy pulpit. So our response, as Jesus responsed to such temptation -- to being so misled and encourage to mislead -- is to say, "What did God say?" "What did God say through His prophets?" The Bible is written so the people of God would understand it -- most of it is written as plainly as plain can be, because, we, like sheep, are dumb, and we need the Word spelled out for us. "What did God say?"

We are no different from the people of Jesus' day or Moses' day: "When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and if he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house, and if she goes and becomes another man's wife, and the latter man hates her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter man dies, who took her to be his wife, then her former husband, who sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after she has been defiled, for that is an abomination to the Lord" (Deuteronomy 24:1-4a). That is what the Lord told Moses to tell the people.

The Pharisees knew that. They said, "Moses permitted a certificate of divorce to be written and for her to be sent away." And Jesus said that this was given, "Because of the hardness of your heart."

What's going on here? Why was the certificate of divorce given? Because the man found "indecency" in her and because he come to "hate" her? What's going on here? The word that is translated "indecency" literally means that her "nakedness was previously opened" -- in other words, she was not a virgin. And the word that is translated "hate" is actually very specific -- it is "hate due to sexual perversions." The certificate of divorce was given because humans commit adultery -- and, although the woman is specifically talked about here, we understand that more that one person has to be involved for adultery to occur.

The law was a kind one. Because God also said, that persons caught in adultery are to be put to death (John 8:4). Here, it not persons being caught in the act, but evidence thereof. So the other partner is allowed, permitted -- not commanded -- notice, they can stay married -- to divorce. This would keep persons from remaining in a marriage of adultery which could lead to physical and mental abuse. It would also make divorce public and, therefore, shameful.

"But," Jesus said, "from the beginning, they were made male and female." God created humans, male and female, to join together in marriage. Divorce is not the natural state -- it is unnatural -- marriage is the normal state. (Though God does set some aside for singleness.) Most people are designed to be married, one man to one woman, in holy matrimony, for life. Marriage, the joining together of one man and one woman was created for human pleasure, for procreation, and for worship of the Creator.

Paul wrote, "Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: 'It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.' But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you might devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control" (I Corinthians 7:1-5).

This is a stunning passage for two thousand years ago -- marriage is not only good, but, in marriage, the man has a right to the woman's body and the woman, equally, has a right to the man's body, and married couples ought to have sexual intercourse often, to help keep each other from being tempted by the sea of flesh in the world.

Marriage also changes the relationship between a child and the child's parents: "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be with his wife." We children always owe honor to our parents, but we who are single children and especially those children who are living at home, owe our parents additional care, care that is transferred to our spouse when we marry. When a person marries, he does not forget his parents and neglect them, but the person's husband or wife becomes the one who is cared for first. One who is married owes his or her first allegiance and care to his or her spouse -- his or her parents become secondary.

Why? Because "the two shall become one flesh. They are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore, whomever God has yoked together no man should separate."

What does it mean to "become one flesh"?

We can say this: this union is a mystery, it is performed by God, and it is not merely sexual.

When God created Adam, he was alone, the only human being. "Then the Lord God said, 'It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make a helper fit for him'" (Genesis 2:18). "So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, 'This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.' Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh" (Genesis 2:21-24). Adam and Eve were mystically united in marriage in one flesh -- as they were literally one being that God had made into two.

Now, we don't have any reason to believe that God split each of us into a man and a woman, as He did with Adam and Eve, so we do not literally fit together into a single being, a single flesh. But, in marriage a man and a woman symbolically fit together in one flesh, they are yoked together as two farm animals would have been yoked -- tied together, only able to make progress as they worked together for a single goal. A man and a woman are glued together like two bricks with cement between them. Together, in some mystical way, through marriage, God makes a man and a woman one flesh, a single being in the sense that the husband and wife ought to love each other, respect each other, comfort each other, delight in each other, show tender care for each other, enjoy each other, and work in all things for each other's good. Paul explains that if we are married, we are to care for each other as if for our own flesh. A married man and women are one and belong in every way to each other.

This union is holy in the sight of God and may not be broken, except in the sad case of adultery. And Jesus explained to the disciples that if a man divorces his wife for any other reason, and remarries, he commits adultery, because he is still one flesh with his former wife. And if a woman divorces her husband -- and as sad as this is, notice the equality of husband and wife in this -- if she divorces him for any other reason than adultery and remarries, she commits adultery, because she is still married to her former husband. Jesus said, "It was also said, 'Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.' But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the grounds of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery. And whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery" (Matthew 5:31-32).

The bonds of marriage are delightful and serious, because in marriage, one man and one women, in the mysterious work of God, become one flesh. (Let us understand that divorce for reasons other than adultery is a forgivable sin, but no sin should be taken lightly, or entered into with premeditation.)

This bond between a man and a woman, created and caused by God, is symbolic, or a type, of the bond between Christ and His Church. Just as husbands love their wives, and wives their husbands, so Christ loves the Church. Just as Christ gave up His life for the Church, a husband or a wife ought to be willing to give up their lives for each other. Just as Christ is making the Church holy, so married persons ought to work towards holiness together, and love each other, and love and enjoy each others bodies. Likewise, we, with Christ our Head, are untied in One Body, and God has made our bodies His Holy Temple, and we meet and are ministered to by Christ as we drink His Blood and eat His Flesh in the bread and the cup of the Lord's Supper. Just as married persons love and nourish each other and their relationship, so Christ is nourishing us in love. Paul says this of "becoming one flesh": "This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband" (Ephesians 5:32-33).

On this Father's Day, and while we remain on earth, let us all remember the mystery that we have become one flesh -- both a man and a woman in marriage and the Church with Christ, her Savior. And let us look forward to the glorious day when Christ Returns and His Kingdom is fully come, as John tells us, "Then I heard what seemed to be the voice of a great multitude, like the roar of many waters, and like the sound of mighty peals of thunder crying out, 'Hallelujah! For the Lord our God the Almighty reigns. Let us rejoice and exult and give him the glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and his Bride has made herself ready; it was granted her to clothe herself with fine linen, bright and pure --' for the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints" (Revelation 19:6-8).

Let us pray:
Almighty God, Lover of Your Church, we thank You for the gift of marriage. We thank You for the mysterious union between a man and a woman and the joy that it brings to them both. We thank You for this witness to the union that exists between You and Your Church -- that we are all one flesh together with Jesus. Lead us to lives of holy enjoyment in marriage, and may we all look forward to the glorious day when You will receive us as Your holy bride, for it is in the Name of our Husband, Jesus, that we pray, Amen.