“Honor & Live”
[Ephesians 6:1-4]
March 6, 2019, Second Reformed Church
During the Lenten season, we are going to look, Lord willing, at the six commandments of the Second Table of the Law. That is, we are going to look at commandments five through ten of the Ten Commandments. Or, another way to put is, is we are going to look at the commandments that have to do with our love of neighbor.
The Fifth Commandment reads: “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the LORD your God is giving you” (Exodus 20:12, ESV).
God commands Ancient Israel to honor their mothers and fathers – and if they do so, they will live well and long in the land of Canaan. We need to remember that God gave the Ten Commandments while Israel was in the wilderness – before they entered the land – and the promise, as it is here given, is to Ancient Israel about the land of Canaan.
It is not accidental that this commandment is the first commandment of the commandments related to loving our neighbor, because it is foundational to our loving our neighbor – our understanding and living out the parental relationship shapes every other relationship we ever have. If we do not honor our fathers and mothers, it is very unlikely that we will have good relationships with anyone else.
If we hear our Scripture reading for this evening, it is similar, but not the same, as the commandment that we see in Exodus:
“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother’ (this is the first commandment with a promise), ‘that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.’ Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:1-4, ESV).
We see first, this evening, children must honor/obey their fathers and mothers – we must honor/obey our fathers and mothers.
Paul begins by saying that children ought to obey their parents – not, that they should honor them – but that should not worry us, because if we honor our parents, we will obey them. If we respect their authority over us and the persons they are relative to us, we will do what they say.
And Paul says we should honor our parents in the Lord – as people who are believers in God and the Savior He has sent. As Christians, we should be all the more diligent and zealous to honor and obey our parents because it is right – it is the right thing to do. This is something that God has said we ought to do – it is something we are morally obliged to do, so we ought to do it, and we ought to desire to do it, because Jesus is our God and Savior, and we ought to desire to obey Him in response to the salvation He has given us.
One author explains that, as Christians, we honor our parents, which leads to obeying them, then thanking them for all they have done for us, then apologizing for the ways in which we have not honored them, and then visiting them after we have gotten old enough to be on our own (Kevin DeYoung, The Ten Commandments, 91-92), and we should add one more – that of being respectful of them in our memories once they have died.
So, we honor our parents when they ask us to take out the garbage or mow the lawn, and rather than go, “uhh!” we say, ‘Yes, mom” or “Yes, dad.” It means that we are thankful for the food our parents provide and the home that we are given, and we do not complain that we wanted to eat something different or live somewhere else. It is about recognizing our parents as being in authority over us and having wisdom about life and living that we do not have. And so we obey.
That doesn’t mean that our parents are always right, and they do sin. What it means is that, if they are doing the best they know how, we should obey and be thankful. Yet, if they tell us we are to sin, we must refuse – obeying God over our parents – but be careful that you are sure of what is going on before you refuse to obey.
God gives us parents that we would learn how to live and love in the world. How to respect and relate to all types of authority in our lives – parents, teachers, police, politicians, and so forth. And how to love those authorities – with a Christian – a Christ-like love – that is willing to suffer all things if only to be able to humbly present the Gospel of Jesus Christ to them.
Second, we will live well and long in the land.
Paul tells us this is the first command that was given with a promise. Yet, we should see a difference between the original command and Paul’s stating of it. Originally, God said that if we honor and obey our parents, we would live long and well in the land that the Lord your God is giving you – that is, in the land of Canaan. Now, none of us belongs to Ancient Israel, and the conditional promise of the land has been done away with due to Israel’s sin. So, Paul restates the promise as being that we will live well and long in the land – whatever land we may be living in.
Now, does Paul mean we will live to be over a hundred? We can’t be sure, since everyone has broken this commandment, but it would seem not. Paul is talking about how honoring and obeying our parents teaches us the best way to live in the world – and how to keep out of the most trouble possible. Since they have done that, we will, if we honor and obey, live lives that are peaceful and healthful.
If we don’t fight, or get wrongly angry, or murder, but seek to show love and care with everything we have and are, all things being equal, we will live well and long.
If we aren’t sexually promiscuous, but commit to a single partner, all things being equal, we will live well and long.
It we don’t steal, but work for a living and give what is owed to those we owe, all things being equal, we will live well and long.
If we don’t lie to or about each other, but tell the truth to the best of our knowledge, all things being equal, we will live well and long.
If we don’t lust after what other people have and think we deserve it more, but are thankful for the different ways in which God has chosen to bless people, all things being equal, we will live well and long.
And, again, long is a relative word. If we honor and obey our parents, we will live well and long compared to if we do not. And the same holds for all the rest of the commandments, which our righteous parents teach us.
Obedience to our parents will help us to live well and long in the land. Likewise, obedience to whatever authorities are over us will lead to our living well and long.
Third, our parents have a high honor and responsibility to raise us well.
Paul tells fathers – but this would be true for mothers as well – not to provoke their children. Parents are not to be unreasonable in what they tell their children to do, and they are certainly not allowed to lead their children into sin.
Parents are not to be abusive in the demands they put on their children, and they are to show love – Christ’s love in the Christian family – to their children. And there are extremes in abuse: it is abusive to ”punish” a child by beating him or her until she bleeds. It is also abusive to “punish” a child who has purposely and defiantly smashed a jar full of jelly by saying, “Oh, sweetie, would you like to think about whether this was the best way to show your frustration?”
Rather, parents are to bring up their children in the nature and admonition of the Lord. That is, we are to make it a priority to teach our children Who God is, what He requires of us, and Who the Only Savior is for us, since we are totally unable to help ourselves. We are to teach them and discipline them and lead them away from every kind of corruption.
We will remember that in order for Jesus to be our Savior, He had to keep all the laws that were given to Israel, experience every type of thing that a human can experience, be tempted in every way, but not sin. In so doing, He became the Perfect Substitute for His people, just as Adam was before the Fall.
The author of Hebrews writes, “Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need” (Hebrews 4:14-16, ESV).
Now, we strive for holiness – we strive to be like Jesus in the ways that He kept all of the Law of God and did not sin. We strive to keep the moral law of God, which includes honoring our mothers and fathers, just like Jesus did:
“And [Jesus] went down with [Mary and Joseph] and came to Nazareth and was submissive to them. And his mother treasured up all these things in her heart.
“And Jesus increased in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and man” (Luke 2:51-52, ESV).
Jesus honored and obeyed His parents, because it is the Law of God.
Jesus honored and obeyed His parents, because of the promise that He would live well and long in the land.
Jesus honored and obeyed His parents to show that we are to honor and obey our parents, and other authorities above us. So we are not surprised that He submits Himself to the Sanhedrin and Pontius Pilate and He is put to death for our sins.
If we are to honor and love our parents as God commands, and learn to honor and love all authorities that God has put in place, as well as become more like our God and Savior, we will honor and obey our parents, we will instruct our children and be reasonable with them, yet not spare the rod to keep them from sin and corruption.
Let us pray:
Almighty God, our Father, Who calls on us to honor and obey Him, we ask that You would help us honor and obey our parents and all the authorities You have put in place – whether that is through living under our parents, remembering them rightly, or caring for and instructing our children and grandchildren. May we look to Jesus Who shows us how to live as children who honor their parents and become more like Him as God the Holy Spirit transforms us by His work in us. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
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