Mark Meynell’s When Darkness Seems My Closet
Friend: Reflections on life and ministry
with depression is a very good resource for ministers who suffer with depression.
Meynell tell his story of depression in ministry as a
help for other ministers to learn to cope with and, even, arise through periods
of depression and not be conquered by it.
A major scriptural passage – from which the title of the book comes – is
Psalm 88, written by the sons of Korah.
In the first chapter, Meynell explains the mask the minister
often find himself needing to wear he ministers to his congregation (1ff). When someone is hurting or rejoicing, the
pastor may need to mask his own depression to help the parishioner. Some parishioners would be turned away from
coming to a pastor who is too open with his mental illness.
Chapter two focuses in depression bubbling up and how
music – such as Psalm 88 can be a salve.
Meyer then talks about the cave ministers can find
themselves in – setting themselves away from all others who can hurt to
help. He talks about one of his favorite
poets and hymnwriters, William Cowper, and his depression, and the need to find
someone who can understand.
He continues, “The great weight of our sin makes us
groan, and yet God’s high standards and our people’s expectations make us
reluctant to acknowledge that weight” (51).
From this follows the problem of shame. “In contrast to guilt, which provokes a fear
of the discovery of what I have done, shame generates a fear of the discovery
of who I am” (75). Deliverance comes in
finding God’s “extravagant love” in the cross over and over (90).
In
the sixth chapter, he writes about thoughts of suicide and how the must be
dealt with by addressing the health of the whole person – body, soul, mind, and
spirit (104).
Next,
he has an “interlude” featuring a poem by Andrew Peterson (113).
In
the next chapter, he urges, “I live by faith, not sight” (140).
In the eighth chapter, he argues for the
importance of having at least one other person that can be there when the
pastor is descending into darkness, even if that person can do not more that be
there.
In
the final chapter, he shows how his depression and understanding it has made him
a better pastor and how it can be a gift if handled rightly.
In
the first appendix (186), he looks at different types of treatment that may be
useful for the pastor going through depression.
In
the second (193), he listed an extensive set of print and digital resources.
Finally,
he includes some of his poetry regarding his struggles.
This
is followed by chapter endnotes.
Meynell’s
book is well worth the read for its honesty and for making it clear that if one
is experiencing depression – or any type of mental illness, one ought not go it
alone – seek help.
Meynell
writes from his experience of sin and shame leading to depression, and here, in
a sense, I find the book’s one weakness:
it does not address depression caused by biochemical disease or
accident. Of course, that is not what
caused his depression, so one would to expect it. I only mention it to say that though his book
is very good and certainly helpful, it does not cover everything, and the
reader should be aware of that as one suffers and seek to help those who are
suffering.
[This review appears on my blog, Amazon.com, and
Goodreads.com.]